Friday, November 19, 2010

Interracial Dating-One Man Shares His Heart

NG: Today, I'm thrilled to have Tobi Mann, creator of the popular group: I'm tired of the debate! Black women are BEAUTIFUL! White guys LOVE you! Welcome, Tobi! First, I want to thank you for talking with me. You are my first non-author guest! I'm excited to have you on to talk about IR dating. For those of you scratching your heads, IR stands for Interracial. :)

Tobi, why are you attracted to black women?

TM: “I desire and want what I am not.”
I’m blond, blue-eyed and light-skinned. Black women are exotic. The colour of their skin, their hair (braids in particular) the shape of their lips, their deep mysterious eyes are incredibly attractive. Being attracted to black women doesn’t mean that I don’t find women of other races attractive. I do have children with a white woman.

Have you always been into IR relationships? What sparked the interest?

TM: I guess I have. The things I just mentioned. Opposites attracts.

NG: Have you ever actually been involved with a black woman?

TM: My ex-wife was black, so was the girlfriend before her.

NG: If so, what did you feel was the biggest challenge to overcome from dating outside your race?

TM: There was no challenge for me. I just did what my desire and heart told me to do. I think IR dating is different depending on where you are located. It’s not a big deal at all in Europe. Black women are very sought after here. “Hot stuff” it you like. :)

NG: What do you feel is the biggest misconception about a white man dating black woman?

TM: That we (white men) just want to have the “black woman experience.” I’m on a crusade on Facebook to prove that that is wrong.

NG: What do you feel is the biggest misconception about a black woman dating a white man?

TM: Maybe that she somehow would be “denying her roots or heritage.” That she would somehow “betray” her own “race” or that she’s doing it to get financial stability (gold digger.) Once again IR dating is very different depending on were you are located. I have sensed that there is still a lot of anger in some places of the US because of the horrific way black people were taken there as slaves. That’s why there is this feeling of resentment from certain black groups when a black woman dates a white man. The black groups want to have the racial hate burning so that the immense wrongs of the past won’t be forgotten.

The white groups (KKK or Neo-nazis) needs no explanation to what they want. Interracial relationships is the biggest threat there is to these groups because that is like saying “we (white people) treated you in way that is too horrible to even comprehend. Let’s fall in love and show that we are all equal instead.” I think there are racists in all ethnic groups. Racism works in all directions.

NG: Why do you think many white men are afraid to approach black woman?

TM: Deep down I think it’s related to the reasons I just stated in the question above this one. It’s wrong to generalize however. There must be as many reasons as there are men.

NG: What advice would you give to white men ready to approach a black woman?

TM: Just do it, and make sure the woman in question understands that you really are interested and attracted to her in serious way. Show her respect and make her understand that you aren’t out to get the “black woman experience.” Don’t give up.

NG: What advice would you give to a black woman ready to approach a white man?

TM: Same as the question above. We aren’t that different. :)

NG: What would you say to those who'd frown upon IR dating.

TM: I have nothing to say to them because they are clearly stuck in some ugly past. They are relics and on a lower level. They are emotionally and intellectually unevolved.

NG: What would you say to black woman afraid to step outside their race to find love?

TM: That she might very well be missing the big love of her life. I hate that word anyway! There aren't races, just people! Different, beautiful people! :)

NG: Different, beautiful people, I love that, Tobi! Imagine if the world could understand that. Our entire planet would change. Let's lighten things up a bit. What's your idea of the perfect evening?

TM: That’s hard to say.:) It might be anything and everything. One thing I don’t like though is a dress code (lol!;) Sometimes I like the unusual and different. Other times the traditional.

NG: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving and if so how?

TM: Yes we do, but it’s called something else here, and at different date (I can’t translate it). It’s celebrated the same way. Dinner (social gathering) with family and loved ones.

NG: You've allowed me to ask all the questions. Any parting thoughts you'd like to share?

TM: Yes. Do you know that you can love yourself just as much as you are supposed to, but still feel lonely because you aren't together (in a relationship) with someone (regardless of what the joint relationship "experts" of the world say?

Of course you do! That isn't rocket science! You know that because you have been lonely (no matter how good looking you are) and because we are supposed to walk through life in pairs. That's why there is male and female to begin with, regardless of "the war between the sexes" and all that.

Do you also know that opposites attracts? That it's like a fundamental natural law of the universe no matter how much some people try to convince everybody otherwise? I mean if that law affects all matter in the universe then it's pretty reasonable to believe that it will affect people too...since we are all made up of the same matter as the universe...right?:)

Of course that doesn't mean that every person has to feel that way (there are quite a few other natural laws in action as well so other people are probably affected by those) but it means that it (IR dating) is not wrong. It never was and it never will be! At least not as long as this universe exists and it's supposed to hang around for another trillion gazillion years or so.

In other universes it might be different (there are many) but since I haven't been to any of them (yet;) I can't say what the deal is there.

NG: I imagine in other universes race was never an issue. Thanks so much, Tobi, for being open with me. I'm so glad you shared a little of your heart with me here today.

TM: Thank you for having me! It was fun! This is my fave topic! Black women hold a special place in my heart. :)

Click the picture to find Tobi's Facebook group!

Have a great weekend!


  1. Nichelle, Tobi, this was an excellent review. I've been dating outside my race since my teens. I do believe that some people think when a black woman dates interracially, she's betraying her race. I've dated black men, Asian men, and Hispanic men. In my eyes, people are people, and you really can't help you're attracted to at the time. If sparks are there, they're gonna fly.

    Prime example in my case. I married a white man when I was nineteen. Two of my favorite uncles who always dated white women, gave me a hard time because I married a white man. Boy, was that ever confusing. "shaking head"

    Anyway, you have to be true to yourself and not worry what anyone else thinks. I also discovered who were my true friends back then too, and that goes for several female members of my family, but oh well, they'll get over it.

    Hell, it's hard to find true love, or that special someone who you click with. I do know some people who have turned love down because they were afraid of what others thought.

    I'm dating a special someone who is white and also 21 yrs my senior. We both love motorcycles, eating, hanging out & doing whatever, and if someone has a problem with it, oh well. I see certain looks sometimes, like when we first step into a crowded restaurant and waiting to be seated. I'll observe many don't even look our way, some will simply glance and carry on with meal and convo, but then you have the oddballs who will just sit there and frown. Know what I do? He HE, I wave like I'm some sort of celebrity or something!! Thanks! This interview totally rocked!!

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  2. Hey, Charisma!

    Thanks for your thoughtful post. You're so right that finding or waiting for love to find you is hard. I don't think anyone should deny the possibilities of being loved by someone they never expected or visualized. That's the problem for most women and men for that matter. We all have these preconceived ideas of what we'd like our mate/lover to look like, act like, ect. When you box love in it's hard for it to break free and soar up to heights unimaginable.

    Whew! I like that. And it came to me without even finishing my first cup of joe! lol

    Have a great weekend! :)

  3. This is absolutely great. It is what everyone wants to know but they are too afraid to ask. Fist Pump for this one!

  4. Nichelle and Tobi, this was such a great interview. LOVED it! I heart Tobi's answer...they were great! Made me think. Have a great weekend.

  5. That was a great interview, Nichelle. ;D Thanks so much for sharing your past experiences and insights with us Todi. I plan to visit you FB page when I log into my account.

    Best wishes to you both! ;D

    Trenice Carter

  6. Hello, Nevea, Serenity & Trenice! I'm so glad you ladies stopped by! So glad you enjoyed the interview. ;)

  7. Hi Nichelle and Tobi,

    This was a great interview and I'm so glad you had Tobi on your blog. I feel the same way Tobi does (but as a woman) and feel that attraction to another person can't be dictated. I have always been attracted to white or hispanic men, but never wanted to limit my options. If I only focused on one type of man, I may have missed out on the "real deal." My husband is a white man and we simply see each other as people. Our families weren't too happy about it at first, but I was grown and I made my own decisions. And my decision was to be happy.

    Through high school and my younger life, if I was attracted to someone and vice versa, then that was all that mattered. I wasn't too focused on the race or ethnicity of the guy. Did I have a preference for white men? Yes. But I also have a preference for men over six feet two inches, but that didn't stop me from dating someone who was five feet ten inches. :-)

    I am one of those people who truly believe that love in all its truly beautiful. Some folks find certtain relationships uncomfortable, e.g., interracial, GLBT, older-younger, etc. I think if someone finds love, then that person should grab it with both hands and never let it go. If that person happens to be of a different race...then that's life.

    Tobi - thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject. My only hope is that more white men take that first step and open themselves to the wonderful possibility of loving a black woman.

  8. Reana,

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I agree 100% that we have to keep our hearts open to love in whatever form it comes. If we could all lose the expectations on who we should love and focusing instead on simply loving... well, wouldn't that be great!


  9. Great Interview Nichele and Tobi! I'm white and my husband is African American. We have been married for 25 years. Not always the easiest life, a lot of my family turned against me. Of course there were derogatory comments by family,so-called friends and strangers (that thought they had the right to give us their opinion.)But, I would change nothing. He is the love of my life. We have 2 beautiful daughters and a very happy life.Everyone should keep their hearts open. You never know who will walk in your heart.


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