Tuesday, August 23, 2011

One day at a time...


On August 10th I lost my beautiful mother. She'd been battling a life threatening illness for a long time and I thought I'd prepared myself for losing her, but there's no such preparation. My mind is consumed with thoughts and memories of her. I find myself speaking out loud to her as I work through my grief and allow myself to feeling every emotion.

When I close my eyes, I can see her gentle smile. When I lay my head on my pillow, I can almost feel her hand on my head and hear her soft voice. I miss her. I'll always miss her. If only I could hear her laugh or words of encouragement one more time.

My mother was my biggest supporter. She always encouraged me to write...


This is an excerpt from my latest blog post over on Hitting the Hot-Spot. You can click here if you'd like to read the rest.


My heart aches and I don't expect that to change anytime soon, but I know my mom would want me to go on with my life. She'd want me to continue to find joy in the things that make me happy...to be strong for my family. Writing has always been an escape for me and I feel guilty typing anything right now. I feel guilty occupying my mind with anything else other than my grief for even a short while. I know that's not what my mom would want me to feel, but it's hard. I'm thankful for the distractions that come along with being a mom and wife, they've helped push me along.


I have to remember that going on with my life honors hers. She never quit...no matter what life threw her. She was the ultimate heroine, role model and mother. 


I'm just going to take it one day at a time...


~Nichelle







2 comments:

  1. Nichelle, I'm with you on this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 3.5 years ago, and even though I thought I was prepared for it, the truth of the matter is that you never are. My mother was my best friend and I know without a doubt that I always had her love no matter what I did. It's been almost 4 years and I still break down and cry at the littlest things.

    I was told by a colleague that I should never be the same again; when you've lost your mother and if you had any kind of decent relationship with her, then you shouldn't be the same woman you were before she passed.

    Honey, you're in my prayers. Be blessed and write on!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amaya, thank you. I appreciate your prayers. I know I'll never be the same. It's so hard wrapping my head around the fact that I can never talk to her again...especially when I talked to her every day.

    So nice to be able to talk about it with someone who understands.

    Thanks again,

    Nichelle

    ReplyDelete

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