On August 10th I lost my beautiful mother. She'd been battling a life threatening illness for a long time and I thought I'd prepared myself for losing her, but there's no such preparation. My mind is consumed with thoughts and memories of her. I find myself speaking out loud to her as I work through my grief and allow myself to feeling every emotion.
When I close my eyes, I can see her gentle smile. When I lay my head on my pillow, I can almost feel her hand on my head and hear her soft voice. I miss her. I'll always miss her. If only I could hear her laugh or words of encouragement one more time.
This is an excerpt from my latest blog post over on Hitting the Hot-Spot. You can click here if you'd like to read the rest.
My heart aches and I don't expect that to change anytime soon, but I know my mom would want me to go on with my life. She'd want me to continue to find joy in the things that make me happy...to be strong for my family. Writing has always been an escape for me and I feel guilty typing anything right now. I feel guilty occupying my mind with anything else other than my grief for even a short while. I know that's not what my mom would want me to feel, but it's hard. I'm thankful for the distractions that come along with being a mom and wife, they've helped push me along.
I have to remember that going on with my life honors hers. She never quit...no matter what life threw her. She was the ultimate heroine, role model and mother.
I'm just going to take it one day at a time...